Thursday, October 24, 2013

back in 1995

yesterday, mary at giving up on perfect asked us about our teenage dreams.  those dreams, hopes and wishes we had when we graduated from high school.  what did we think adulthood would be like?  what were our plans for our future?

well, i had two totally different dreams for my future...

the first one involved coach purses; designer clothes; a sleek, black, mercedes benz; a giant, beautiful home; perfectly manicured  hands; and a high profile successful career as a lawyer or executive at a large, well known corporation.

on the complete other end of the spectrum, i dreamt of "saving the world"and being adventurous.  i'd do a few outward bound trips. i'd join the peace corps.  go on missions trips.  work for a non-profit that was helping the poor.  i'd be super involved at my church.  i'd be "making a difference." this dream didn't even include material possessions.  i have no idea where i'd live, how i'd dress or what i'd drive because those things wouldn't be important to me.

with two totally conflicting dreams, i really had trouble finding my way in college and ended up graduating with, what seems to me, to be a totally random major.  i have a degree in political science, which i decided on after dabbling in psychiatry and education.  the classes were interesting but i don't use them now.

i worked in human resources for a while after college and did really well on the LSAT.  i thought i'd become an attorney focusing on employment law.  but then i realized that i didn't want to put in the crazy hours that went along with a high profile successful career.  instead, i got married, had two kids and got my MBA (even though i have no interest in business whatsoever?!?!).  today i work for a large public university in i guess what would be called middle management.  it's not what i dreamed of, but it pays the bills and provides me the flexibility to be there for our kids when they need me (most of the time).

as for "saving the world"and being "adventurous", that dream still tugs at my heart each and every day.  i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be doing or where i'm supposed to be helping, but i feel a huge void in my life because i have not pursued these dreams from my younger years.  i'm reading books and blogs that i hope will motivate me and give me some direction.  i'm praying.  i'm seeking.

while i'm glad the first set of plans for my future didn't work out, i hope that eventually i can begin to follow the second set of plans so that my younger self will be pleased with how things worked out.

thanks mary for inspiring me to think about these things today!

Monday, October 21, 2013

if i didn't...

it's been about nine years since I've become a wohm (work out of the home mom).  other mom's have always said it would get easier.  but I disagree.  nine years later i still struggle.

now I know i should be thankful that i have a job and i am.  while i cannot fully understand the math, i know that while we could never make ends meet with only hubby's income, we are very comfortable with both of our incomes.  i always feel guilty complaining, yet i struggle with these thoughts every day.  the thoughts that if i didn't work at home...

  • i'd wear a size 4 and have a six pack because i could work out for more than 30 minutes a day.

  • our home would be clean and organized all of the time.

  • i'd never get inpatient with the kids because i wouldn't feel so stressed trying to get more done in less time.

  • i'd have time to plan wonderful date nights for dh and i and my parents would be willing to babysit since they wouldn't have to help us while we are at work.

  • i'd have time to volunteer at school.  i'd know my daughters' teachers and friends well because i'd be present in their classrooms.  i'd know the other parents well because i'd be more involved.

  • i would spend more time in the Word because i'd be able to participate in bible studies at church.  (most women's bible studies are held during business hours.  the evening ones usually don't provide childcare and hubby works late a lot.)
 
  • we'd have healthy home cooked meals every day.
 
  • we'd spend less at the grocery store because i'd be an extreme couponer.
 
  • i'd get outside more with the kids instead of allowing them to zone out on their i-devices or the tv because i'm playing catch up with chores and errands...yet again.
 
basically, i'd be perfect.  yes, everyone please laugh at me now.  i know this isn't true.  i know life would still be crazy busy and there'd be other problems to deal with.  i'm sure if i was a sahm (stay at home mom) right at this very minute i'd be writing a post on how i wished i had a job.  at least that is what my hubby tells me.  i'm one of those who thinks the grass is greener on the other side, even though i remind myself all of the time that it really isn't.
 
source
 
so i'm going to begin exploring my feelings regarding working and motherhood here. if i didn't work i probably would have realized a month ago that this would be a great topic for the "31 days of" blog posts that are going on this month, but i'm about 21 days late for that.  so i guess i'll just write when i can and see where this goes.   i kind of think it might actually help me come to peace with my circumstances.  and hopefully someone else may stumble upon this who is struggling with these same things and at the very least, she will know she's not alone!
 
 

twitterature - 10-21-13 - better late than never!

i've been trying to stay offline more and that means i'm behind on posting my latest reads with the modern mrs. darcy.  here's some of what i've read over the past month or so:


Hector and the Search for Happiness - this was recommended somewhere online.  i didn't finish it.  #didntquitegetit #dontrecommend


Gathering Blue - i was really excited to read this.  it was a little slow for me.  not my favorite but i did enjoy the story. #youngadultfiction #thegiverwasbetter


The Husband's Secret - i think Liane Moriarty has become one of my favorite authors.  it's like she can read my mind. #wassurprisedbythesecret #hadtofinishinessthan24hours


elanor & park - while i didn't love this as much as i thought i would considering all of the hype i've seen online, i did enjoy this book. i was really fascinated with the details of elanor's home life and how it affected her.  a good lesson for teens. #sweetlovestorywithsomethingmore


Wife 22 - this was great.  it took me a few chapters to get used to the format, but once i did i was addicted.  was surprised and in love with the ending. #funreadonmarriage

well, that's all for now.  off to the library to get a few new books to read for next month's twitterature!  check in on the modern mrs. darcy's page for more quick book reviews.

Friday, October 11, 2013

seven quick takes friday - 10-11-13

*1*

last saturday i thought it would be fun to take the girls to a pumpkin patch.  the weather was beautiful and i knew it would be a great time to get out my real camera and take some pretty fall photos.  well, the minute we got to the pumpkin patch it started POURING!  we still tried to enjoy as much as we could, venturing into a scary funhouse, visiting the petting zoo and eating cotton candy.  but there was no hayride, no corn maze and of course no pumpkins to bring home.  instead we stopped at home depot on the way home from church on sunday and picked up two pumpkins for $4.00 each. 



I have more festive fall activities planned for this weekend.  I sure hope the weather cooperates this time around!

 

*2*
I'm starting to run regularly again.  I really love how I feel after I run, but it is so hard getting started in the mornings.  to help motivate me, I'm working towards #48milesinoctober with Marta - you can find her on instagram @hausofgirls_fitfamily.


*3*
Still Facebook free.  I'm loving all of the time I have now that I don't spend so much time mindlessly reading people's status updates online.  and after two weeks I'm starting to miss it less.

*4*

I finished Gathering Blue  this week and started attachments: a novel. both are ok, but not great.  i’ll write more about these books when i join modern mrs. darcy for twitterature later this month.  oh, and these links are not affiliate links because i cannot figure out how to do that :)

*5*
this past week I made yummy apple streudel muffins and  crockpot chicken and dumplings thanks to allrecipies.  I always forget how much I love to bake and cook until I try out new recipes.  to keep the ball rolling I just picked up two Pioneer Woman cookbooks from the library.  I cannot wait to try some of those recipes!


*6*
Hubby's coaching for our high school's football team this year.  high school instead of college so now the games are on Friday nights instead of Saturdays.  big sis dances on Friday nights, so we get to the games late, but we are trying to make it to as many home games as possible.  we were there this past Friday and saw them win 38-0.  woo-hoo!



*7*
we had our first family pet death this past Saturday.  back in march we won two goldfish at a carnival (named Goldie and Locks).  the girls were so excited as I've always told them they could have fish but never followed through.  finally, I had no choice but to go out and buy an aquarium.  unfortunately Saturday morning we woke up to discover Locks laying still at the bottom of the aquarium.  it was a sad day for us.  at first Goldie was pretty sad, but she seems to be doing ok now.  I think she actually enjoys having the whole place to herself :)

and that's all for today.  happy friday!  and for more quick takes, please go over to conversion diary!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

my dream home

giving up on perfect is doing a great series this month about working through fairy tale dreams in comparison to adult life. today she’s asked us to compare our dream home from our childhood to our present home.

my brother always wanted to be an architect, so the two of us spent a great deal of time perusing those “floor-plan magazines”.  homes were sorted by size and you could see how each floor was laid out.  i always thought I’d simply buy the blueprints to one of those plans one day and build my dream house. and these magazines helped me set some high expectations for my future home.

 
i always thought i'd live in this house.  (source)


said dream house would be large.  3000 square feet or more.  (we lived in a house that was around 1400 square feet and to me that was just way too small.)  i wanted a gigantic master suite.  a chef’s kitchen.  a wrap around porch.  a library, office, family room AND living room.  a fully finished walk out basement.  and of course this house had to be on a piece of land that was gigantic.  with an olympic size swimming pool.  and basketball/tennis court.  of course there would have to be people to take care of the house and property.  basically I wanted to be a gazillionare so that i could have these things.  who knows where all of that money was going to come from, but that’s what i wanted.
this would fit in my backyard, right? (source)

 

fast forward to today.  i actually have a home that is pretty close to my present-day dream house.  believe it or not, i actually think it’s too big (2600 square feet plus a finished basement which brings us pretty close to a total of 3600 square feet of living space.  WAY too much to clean.)  but i do like it. 

we have a sunroom.  it’s nothing fancy, but it’s three walls of nothing but windows that let the sun in.  the sunroom has a table and 6 chairs in it and that’s all.  no electronics.  no toys.  just a room that we can eat in, do homework in and play games in.  during the fall and spring.  otherwise it’s too cold or too hot in there, but that’s ok with me.

we also have a fireplace.  something i always wanted growing up.  we spend a lot of time in front of it during the winter, all cuddled up on the floor watching movies or playing board games.

a kitchen island is yet another thing i always longed for growing up and i really enjoy ours.  it’s big enough that i can prep meals on one side while the kids eat snacks or do homework on the other (provided it’s not covered with junk mail, toys, and other miscellaneous items that need put away).

there’s a lot my current home doesn’t have when compared to my dream home of my childhood.  we have a postage-stamp yard.  we don’t have a library.  we have an office but only because we decided we didn’t want a dining room.  our home isn’t decorated well.  i am not good at that.  it’s often messy (didn’t get the full time housekeeping staff that I was hoping for).  but it is our home. it meets all of our needs. and hubby and i expect that we’ll be here for a long time and i love that!

Monday, October 7, 2013

working towards less

i have a lot of stuff.  (don’t we all?) and so do my kids.  it drives me crazy.  yet for the longest time I really haven't done anything about it but complain. 

from 2008 to 2011 i was in grad school.  i was also working full time.  and my kids were itty bitty.  it was a time of acquiring much and getting rid of little.  the entire time i was in school i kept thinking that as soon as i graduated, i would do a major decluttering of our household.  well, i finished school in april of 2011 and that still hasn’t happened.
maybe the timing just wasn’t right.  but now, the girls are older.  i feel less rushed even though we are often technically busier.  so I think it’s time.

source

this is a difficult process.  not just the getting rid of part.  but the saying no to other things so that i have time to go through our stuff. i’ve been saying no to a lot lately.  but for now i think this needs to be my priority.  (besides my family.) so i’m not going to be that mom with the most volunteer pta hours.  i’m not going to lead any girl scout troops this year.  i’m not going to sign up for every dance team booster club fundraiser.  and that’s ok.  my hubby says so.  (actually all he says is that i’m not allowed to volunteer for anything this year because he knows how stressed i get.  and that the house turns into a disaster because of the stress.) 
the result of all of this saying no is time.  i’m finding wide open spaces of time (also thanks to staying off of facebook) that i am using to enjoy my family.  and when they’re busy?  I declutter!

i’ve noticed that i easily get overwhelmed when there’s a lot of stuff around me.  i’m starting to notice that my girls seem to be the same way.  i expect that using this year to declutter will bring a feeling of calm to our household.  and it will make my hubby really happy.  i hope that our home loses hundreds of pounds of stuff by the end of the school year.  and gains much in terms of expected and unexpected benefits!

Friday, October 4, 2013

seven quick takes friday - 10-4-13


*1*

i’ve been facebook free for a week now.  i’m feeling a little out of it, but i think i like not knowing every little detail of what’s happening in other people’s lives.  i actually have to talk to people now to find out what’s going on with them.  *gasp!*

*2*

one down, nine to go!  is it too early to start feeling like the worst end of school year mom ever in october?  don’t get me wrong, school has been going great for the girls.  i can already tell they’re learning a lot and i love hearing about the new friends they are making.  but i’m already struggling with reading logs and for the next 55 days we need to check off if they’ve done at least 20 minutes of physical activity a day (hopefully that should be a given, but still).  add to that packing lunches, figuring out how to gracefully bow out of three million different fundraisers, reviewing homework (that i don’t even always understand) and keeping track of extracurriculars and it’s no wonder i’m already counting down to Christmas break.  80 days folks!

*3*

i hate saying “no”.  i just realized that’s why i dread my job on most days.  i have to say “no” quite a bit.  it makes me sad.  i want to say “yes”.  i want my students to get what they want.  but unfortunately they always want to go against rules and policy, so i have to say no.  it’s my job.  and it’s no fun.  thankfully yesterday i was able to do more positive things at work and it made me feel a lot better.  balances out all of the “no” days.
i can't even say no to these!
 

*4*

i’ve read two and a half books this week.  Eleanor and Park (loved it!). Wife 22 (loved it!).  and i’m halfway through Gathering Blue (so far it’s so-so).  i’ll write more about these books when i join modern mrs. darcy for twitterature later this month.  oh, and these links are not affiliate links because i cannot figure out how to do that :)

*5*

lil’ sis turns 6 this month.  i’m not going to lie, this makes me sad.  but she’s so excited it’s her birthday month.  i hope we make it a super fun one for her.
birthday girl!
 

*6*

i’m so sick of being sick.  my sinuses freaked out the minute ragweed season began.  and a few weeks later i came down with a sinus infection that two 2 courses of antibiotics, a course of some sort of steroid, and now ongoing allergy medicine and flonase to fight it off.  sort of.  i’m still coughing and occasionally congested.  i hope this doesn’t last much longer.

*7*

because i always feel crummy in the fall (see above), it’s become an annual tradition for me to start considering drastic changes to my eating habits.  i’m sure they contribute somewhat to how i feel.  i do know diet coke isn’t good for me, and think that could be a good starting point, but i just can’t live without it.  so right now i would like to challenge myself to drinking more water this month.  ’m not ready to give up diet coke (i didn’t drink it for 9 months last year and missed it the entire time) but i think by drinking more water i’ll be more hydrated and will thus feel better.  and i’ve heard lots of water is good for people with sinus problems.  we’ll see about that…!
why can't diet coke be good for you?!?!
and that's all for today.  happy friday!  and for more quick takes, please go over to conversion diary!

Monday, September 30, 2013

three days and counting

last week it seemed that everywhere I looked online, people were talking about why facebook is bad for us.  it’s like everyone was reading my mind because i’ve been struggling with this for a while.  so I read quite a few blogs and articles, including these:


and decided to spend a few days away from facebook.  my intent was only to spend three days away.  just enough to clear my head and focus on more important things over the weekend.  but the longer i was away from it, the more i realized I don’t need it.  i’m not even sure that i want it anymore.
 
 
now I know many (most?) people can handle facebook just fine.  but i’m not one of those people.  i get lonely.  jealous.  insecure.  competitive. judgemental. and more when i spend too much time on facebook.  it’s a distraction and major time suck for me.  i took facebook off of my phone a few weeks ago and that’s one of the best decisions i’ve ever made.  logging off completely would be an even better decision, although i’m not sure i can take that big of a leap right now. 



before stepping away, i set up facebook to notify me of friend requests, tagged photos of me, private messages and any activity in the private groups i belong to.  this way i can take care of any business that applies to me, hopefully without facing the temptation of browsing facebook for hours seeing all that is going on with all of my “friends”.  i’m hoping this arrangement works out for me.  this weekend i realized these things:
  •  i am ten million times more productive without facebook.  i actually had wide open blocks of time this weekend with nothing to do.  my kids were playing quietly.  i was caught up on my planned chores.  i finished a reading novel.  and there were still a few hours before bedtime.  how could this be?  normally i feel like i am just. so. busy. but now I think that was a lie.  i have a feeling i was just spending way too much time online.

  • my mind is more relaxed when it’s not filled with “junk”.  status updates are often like clutter.  or i guess it’s like reading a people or us magazine.  it’s not information that is relevant to my life so why do i spend so much time sucking it in?  by not scrolling through status updates multiple times throughout the day, i had more room in my brain to focus on the important things.  i was even able to practice yoga yesterday evening and calmly rest in savasana for five minutes.  (that’s normally impossible for me.)

  • one of the reasons I have been considering leaving facebook is because i’ve realized i can be really critical and judgmental (just being totally honest here).  i hate this about myself and know it has got to stop. but facebook can be a breeding ground for criticizing and judging others. if I’m not reading status updates 24/7, the opportunity to constantly judge and criticize other people’s actions isn’t there.   


so I’m still a little worried that I’m missing out.  and I’m still craving the distraction facebook provides when i don’t want to deal with real life (something else i need to work on…!).  but overall, i think being apart from facebook may be life changing for me.  sure that sounds dramatic, but i’m pretty sure it’s true.  i’ll have to provide an update in a month or two to see how things are going.  i really think i’m going to try to stay as far away from facebook as possible going forward.  at least until my kids are old enough to join, although i’m hoping by then facebook will no longer exist!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

who i am


this has been a year of self-discovery for me, and i feel i’ve only just cracked the surface.  i am 36, almost 37, and i think i am beginning to come to peace with who i am.  (but only just beginning, i have a long way to go!)

i’ve always struggled with insecurity.  i’m an introvert in a world that accepts extroverts.  on top of that i’m terribly shy (those are two different things, i guess, but they are both hard things to be, at times.)  in elementary school i had glasses and bad hair.  my parents wouldn’t (and couldn’t) buy me the “cool” clothes. 

in middle school and high school, i worked so hard on fitting in.  i studied teen, ym, sassy, and seventeen magazines religiously.  i played sports, joined clubs, took public speaking classes.  i begged my parents for the latest and greatest styles and often got what i asked for.  i spent hours getting ready to leave the house. i pretended to be outgoing.  i dated the hot guy from a neighboring school.  on the outside, i fit in.  and i survived those crazy tween and teen years.

i thought being an adult would be easier.  no more cliques.  no more comparisons.  no more contests.  but I was wrong.  and now if these things get you down, it’s multiplied by the number of kids you have.  because it’s not just me that’s trying to find my place, it’s also my daughters.  grown up cliques and kid cliques.  grown up styles and kid styles. helping my daughters face their own challenges while not being able to handle my own.  it’s tough.

but i think i’m learning.  i know deep down inside that “comparison is the thief of joy”.  i know that fitting in is not what matters most.  i know that there’s a lot more to life than appearances and trophies and having the most friends.  but that doesn’t stop me from getting down when i feel left out.  feeling self-conscious about a bad hair day.  comparing my facebook feed to everyone else’s.
 
source
 

just this awareness that i struggle with these things is a step in the right direction. i know i need to limit my time on social media.  it makes me feel “less than”.  i need to learn more about myself and put my energy into being me, not someone i think will impress others.  i need to get out of my own head and into making the world a better place.  and I need to teach my girls these things in hopes that their tween and teen years will be even a little less painful than mine were.

i love the lyrics to Who You Are by Jessie J.  when I hear it in reminds me to be true to myself.  to be ok with not being perfect.  to just be real.  i hope i can do that more and more each day.

Who You Are

Jessie J

i stare at my reflection in the mirror
why am i doing this to myself?
losing my mind on a tiny error
i nearly left the real me on the shelf
No, no, no, no, no, no

don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars
seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
it's okay not to be okay
sometimes it's hard to follow your heart

tears don't mean you're losing
everybody's bruising
just be true to who you are

who you are, who you are, who you are
who you are, who you are, who you are
who you are, who you are, who you are

brushing my hair, do i look perfect?
i forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah
the more i try the less it's working, yeah, yeah, yeah
'cause everything inside me screams
no, no, no, no, no

don't lose it all in the blur of the stars
seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
it's okay not to be okay
sometimes it's hard to follow your heart

but tears don't mean you're losing
everybody's bruising
there's nothing wrong with who you are

yes, no's, egos, fake shows like whoa
just go and leave me alone
real talk, real life, good luck, good night
with a smile, that's my home, that's my home, no
no, no, no, no, no

don't lose who you are all in the blur of the stars
seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
it's okay not to be okay
sometimes it's hard to follow your heart

tears don't mean you're losing
everybody's bruising
just be true to who you are
yeah, yeah, yeah

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

back and forth

my commitment level to this blog is sporadic. i want to write, i really do.  but then i feel so out of place when i do.  i’m not sure where i fit in in the blogosphere.  some days I love fitness.  other days it’s reading.  other days it’s just life in general. 

i’m a Christian.  should my blog lean that way?  or do I run a mommy blog since I’m a mom?  i. just. don’t. know.

but i do know that i want to write. i’ve dreamed of writing since i was a little girl.  it’s really been the only consistent “dream” in my life.  yet I’m 36 now and still am not consistently pursuing this dream. 

this is the third blog i’ve started in just as many years.  and it’s been 40 days since my last post.  i’ve been reading some other blogs lately that discuss pursuing your dreams.  and they've inspired me.  so here i am.  i really have no idea what I’m going to do.  i guess for now just write.  about whatever.  with no direction.  i don’t think that sounds like much of a plan.  but it’s a start.  i kind of hope it leads me to some direction.  and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.  but at least I’ll be writing. 

and since my blog shows up on the internet, where people may just happen upon it and read it, does that mean i can call myself a writer?

Thursday, August 15, 2013

twitterature - 8-15-13

linking up with the Modern Mrs. Darcy today to talk about summer reading...i thought i did more of it, but these are the only books i can recall from the past two months.  i'm guessing the others weren't memorable.  but i wish i could recall them if only to tell you not to read them!

so what do i remember reading?

The End of Your Life Book Club, Will Schwalbe



the only one i didn't finish.  it wasn't too bad, but just not my thing.  #bookaboutbooks #notintoit

What Alice Forgot, Liane Moriarty



i really loved this one. it completely spoke to me. #funnyandquickread

The Chance, Karen Kingsbury



finished this one in a day.  made me cry...a few times! #lovestory

The Lost Husband, Katherine Center



what a beautiful story.  and so much wisdom about parenting woven throughout.  #quickbutmeaningfulread

Leota's Garden, Francine Rivers




another beautiful story.  moving and makes you think about what's important. #inspiring

check out the Modern Mrs. Darcy's Twitterature for more quick book reviews.


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

i love it!

i started focus t25 beta phase yesterday.  so far i've done the core cardio and speed 2.0 workouts. i love them.  and the best part is that they aren't as hard as i thought they'd be.  they are fun and go by fast.  and i feel great at the end.  like a million bucks!

now i am a little sore in the arms and shoulders from the core cardio workout that i did yesterday.  there are some plank moves and burpees which challenged me.  my upper body's not the strongest.  i really hope to see a big difference in my strength by the end of these 5 weeks considering all of the planks and burpees.



i'm so glad i bought focus t25.  i think i'll be ordering the gamma add on next.  i guess it's more of a strength based workout.  that will be a nice switch.  overall, i'm just loving getting a good workout in every morning without it taking up too much time.  25 minutes is just right for me right now.  it's a reasonable amount of time that doesn't scare me away from getting up and exercising every morning.  and for now, that's most important to me.

i think i have to see some noticeable changes in my body and fitness level if i stick to this along with not going over my calories in myfitnesspal.  it has to work, right?  i sure hope so!  it may take a while, even a long while, but i'm sure results are on their way!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

halfway

today i finished week 5 of focus t25 which means i'm done with alpha phase and halfway through the program.  i've really enjoyed the workouts, especially because you do something different every day and the schedule is different every week.  knowing i would be doing a different workout each morning really made it easier to get up and go.  monotony is a sure way to squash my desire to get in shape!


so, results?  not so great.  but i blame my vacation during what was supposed to be week 2 of t25 on that.  a week full of wine, frozen daiquiris, and delicious food isn't really part of the t25 plan.  that week really set me back.  i bet i'd have seen some real results if i hadn't gone on vacation but it is what it is.

here's how i did weight-wise:
start - 132.5
return from vacation -135 (yikes!)
today - 132

even if it's only a half a pound, at least i did lose something.



inches-wise i've lost 2 inches.  half an inch in my waist and the rest in my arms.  my arms?!?!?!  i really wasn't concerned about my arms.  i don't care if they get smaller.  next thing you know i'll be losing inches in my fingers or my feet. while my belly stays nice and fluffy.



but i really don't think that's true.  i have a feeling these next 5 weeks will be amazing.  no vacation to derail me.  the knowledge that i've already seen some results.  and the strength i've already built.  i cannot wait to post in another 5 weeks.  i may even share my before and after pictures then.  maybe.



but in the meantime the pictures you see here are some iphone faves from our vacation.  i still haven't uploaded the ones from my camera.  perhaps i'll get around to that someday...!

Friday, August 9, 2013

faves on friday

i'm so glad it's friday!  this week has been a long one and we have a lot of fun planned for this weekend.  i can't wait to get home and get the party started!

i'm trying to spend less time online, but i still have some faves this week.

blog posts:

i'd rather be a little fluffy, thanks - this post explains how i feel about fitness so well.  i want to be fit.  i want to take care of myself.  but i don't want to be obsessed.  or miserable.  or no fun because i am so focused on counting calories and working out.  a must read!

breathe - this post came at the perfect time, thanks simple mom! this was a busy week at work and boy did i need the reminder to just calm down and breathe.

website:

free range kids - what a great mission!  reminding us that our kids need freedom to be kids.  i plan to come back to this site again and again.

books:

The Lost Husband - a great read that i could really relate to.  while it is a love story, it really approaches the topic of being a mom in a great way.

Fat Land - i'm still not done with this one.  slow read, but an important one.  reminding me of the little bad habits that can have a horrible affect on our health.


quote:

as i work my way through focus t25, i have to remind myself of this every. single. day.  and i definitely can say that i am making progress.  but deep down, i'm still wishing for perfection.  hopefully the more i say this, the more at peace i will be with where i am now, knowing that i am making progress every day.

happy friday all!  i'll be back tomorrow, i hope, with an update on my focus t25 progress!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

a thursday with thoughts

it's my second full week of work since june.  it's tough.  but it's a sign of things to come.

school starts in less than two weeks.  dance in three.  high school football is underway.  yes folks, fall is almost here.

for some reason, last year, i had a hard time with fall (and the winter and spring that followed).  i'm working really hard on getting a good start this year and not letting the end of summer get me down.  we have a lot to look forward at our home this year.

hubby has returned to high school football and it looks like it is going to be an amazing season.

big sis is in her last year of elementary school.  it sounds like she's getting to compete in 4 dances this year in her dance company (last year she did 3), which is what she was hoping for.  she's getting taller and smarter and more grown up every day.  it's hard to believe.

and lil' sis is starting kindergarten.  yes, i now have two kids in school full time.  life is really going to get busy now!  she's also starting a dance program where she'll get to do a lot more.  she's really excited about that and asks every day when her classes will start.  this year will be full of firsts for her.  riding the bus, buying lunches at school, learning to read.  i cannot wait!

as for me, nothing has changed personally, but i will get to enjoy the changes my family members are experiencing.  i'm working out faithfully, reading a lot and dreaming.  mostly, this year, i just want to enjoy each day as it comes.

so my promise to myself is not to stress.  everything will turn out the way it was meant to.  i need to breathe every day.  take time to enjoy the girls.  support my husband and his new football team.  find as much time as possible for fun.

i have a feeling it's going to be a great school year!

Friday, August 2, 2013

double day

we have a busy weekend ahead of us so i went ahead and did a focus t25 double day.  normally i just add a sixth day to get in all six workouts, but i figured i'd see what it was like to do two workouts back to back.

it was tough.

but i loved it.  maybe, just maybe, i'll try insanity soon.  i woke up ten minutes earlier but had no problem getting in the 50 minute workout.  i had to be more focused this morning and had less time to dilly dally, but it got it done!

today's double was speed 1.0 and abs.  i love the speed 1.0 workout because it isn't as intense as some of the other workouts.  you get to stretch between a lot of the cardio exercises.  i am terrible at stretching and have noticed some tightness in my hip flexors and hamstrings, so this workout felt really good today.

the ab workout kills me.  i cannot do v-sits very well.  i don't know if it because my legs are tight or just because my abs are weak.  needless to say, there were many modifications during the ab workout.  i honestly don't know if i'm getting stronger...

week four of focus t25 is now done.  one more week of the alpha phase and then its off to beta!  i'm really excited because there's at least one workout in beta that includes weights.  i miss my weights! so much so that i'm dying to get gamma as i think all of those workouts are strength based and require free weights.  but that time will come soon.

for now, i still have to finish the alpha phase!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

the thief

for some reason the following scripture has been playing over and over in my head for the past 24 hours:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. - John 10:10 (NIV)

not sure how this got stuck in my head, but God must be trying to tell me something.  i have been thinking about how some things steal my joy...mainly comparisons, perfectionism, too high expectations and jealousy.  i have also been thinking about bad habits that steal my joy...for example, too much time on social media, procrastinating, and junk food.

i guess lately i have been falling for the thief's (satan's) tricks instead of seeking Jesus.  i've been easily distracted by the things that steal my joy. i'm not sure why i'd let anything get me down, but i have.  this past school year, in particular, was a real tough one for me.  i was down more than i was up.  

now that the new school year is upon us, i have to admit that i'm a little nervous.  will i fall back into that slump i was in last year?  or will this year be better. i guess the answer is in God's word.  i know where my focus needs to be.  here's to keeping it there!

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

disconnect

yesterday i ran to panera for lunch to grab my favorite strawberry poppyseed chicken salad.  as soon as i got on the road i realized i had left my phone on my desk.  gasp!  but then...

freedom!

sad, isn't it.  i felt a little lost and nervous at first without my phone.  even if it was only for a quick 20 minute jaunt away from the office.  but what if there was an emergency?  what would i do while i waited for my order?  could i live without my phone for 20 minutes.

crazy!  thankfully those wacky thoughts only lasted a few minutes.  and then i felt relieved.  and excited.  no temptation to check my email or facebook feed.  no way to take a quick picture of my panera bag to instagram to everyone.  i could only enjoy the moment that i was in.  and focus on what was around me.  or think my own thoughts.  i even had to listen to the radio, ads and all.

i loved it.

and i realized i need to do that more often.

so last night i took the girls for a walk to a local ice cream place.  it's a half hour each way.  i had my phone with me for safety reasons, but it was at the bottom of my purse.  i didn't check it at all during the entire hour and a half we were out.  and i resisted the temptation to get on facebook to thank someone who had stopped to let us cross a busy road.

being in the moment with my daughters who are growing up oh so fast was so much better than taking pictures of us to share with the whole world right away.  being able to talk to them without worrying about things happening at work was refreshing.  showing them that mommy could step away from the phone was priceless.

and it will happen more often.

i realize i have done what i said i'd never do. i've become addicted to a phone.  that stops now.  no checking it at every stoplight on my way to and from work.  no using it when i'm with the kids.  no checking email while i'm making dinner.

i think getting stepping away from the phone is going to be life changing!