Monday, October 21, 2013

if i didn't...

it's been about nine years since I've become a wohm (work out of the home mom).  other mom's have always said it would get easier.  but I disagree.  nine years later i still struggle.

now I know i should be thankful that i have a job and i am.  while i cannot fully understand the math, i know that while we could never make ends meet with only hubby's income, we are very comfortable with both of our incomes.  i always feel guilty complaining, yet i struggle with these thoughts every day.  the thoughts that if i didn't work at home...

  • i'd wear a size 4 and have a six pack because i could work out for more than 30 minutes a day.

  • our home would be clean and organized all of the time.

  • i'd never get inpatient with the kids because i wouldn't feel so stressed trying to get more done in less time.

  • i'd have time to plan wonderful date nights for dh and i and my parents would be willing to babysit since they wouldn't have to help us while we are at work.

  • i'd have time to volunteer at school.  i'd know my daughters' teachers and friends well because i'd be present in their classrooms.  i'd know the other parents well because i'd be more involved.

  • i would spend more time in the Word because i'd be able to participate in bible studies at church.  (most women's bible studies are held during business hours.  the evening ones usually don't provide childcare and hubby works late a lot.)
  • we'd have healthy home cooked meals every day.
  • we'd spend less at the grocery store because i'd be an extreme couponer.
  • i'd get outside more with the kids instead of allowing them to zone out on their i-devices or the tv because i'm playing catch up with chores and errands...yet again.
basically, i'd be perfect.  yes, everyone please laugh at me now.  i know this isn't true.  i know life would still be crazy busy and there'd be other problems to deal with.  i'm sure if i was a sahm (stay at home mom) right at this very minute i'd be writing a post on how i wished i had a job.  at least that is what my hubby tells me.  i'm one of those who thinks the grass is greener on the other side, even though i remind myself all of the time that it really isn't.
so i'm going to begin exploring my feelings regarding working and motherhood here. if i didn't work i probably would have realized a month ago that this would be a great topic for the "31 days of" blog posts that are going on this month, but i'm about 21 days late for that.  so i guess i'll just write when i can and see where this goes.   i kind of think it might actually help me come to peace with my circumstances.  and hopefully someone else may stumble upon this who is struggling with these same things and at the very least, she will know she's not alone!

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