Thursday, October 24, 2013

back in 1995

yesterday, mary at giving up on perfect asked us about our teenage dreams.  those dreams, hopes and wishes we had when we graduated from high school.  what did we think adulthood would be like?  what were our plans for our future?

well, i had two totally different dreams for my future...

the first one involved coach purses; designer clothes; a sleek, black, mercedes benz; a giant, beautiful home; perfectly manicured  hands; and a high profile successful career as a lawyer or executive at a large, well known corporation.

on the complete other end of the spectrum, i dreamt of "saving the world"and being adventurous.  i'd do a few outward bound trips. i'd join the peace corps.  go on missions trips.  work for a non-profit that was helping the poor.  i'd be super involved at my church.  i'd be "making a difference." this dream didn't even include material possessions.  i have no idea where i'd live, how i'd dress or what i'd drive because those things wouldn't be important to me.

with two totally conflicting dreams, i really had trouble finding my way in college and ended up graduating with, what seems to me, to be a totally random major.  i have a degree in political science, which i decided on after dabbling in psychiatry and education.  the classes were interesting but i don't use them now.

i worked in human resources for a while after college and did really well on the LSAT.  i thought i'd become an attorney focusing on employment law.  but then i realized that i didn't want to put in the crazy hours that went along with a high profile successful career.  instead, i got married, had two kids and got my MBA (even though i have no interest in business whatsoever?!?!).  today i work for a large public university in i guess what would be called middle management.  it's not what i dreamed of, but it pays the bills and provides me the flexibility to be there for our kids when they need me (most of the time).

as for "saving the world"and being "adventurous", that dream still tugs at my heart each and every day.  i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be doing or where i'm supposed to be helping, but i feel a huge void in my life because i have not pursued these dreams from my younger years.  i'm reading books and blogs that i hope will motivate me and give me some direction.  i'm praying.  i'm seeking.

while i'm glad the first set of plans for my future didn't work out, i hope that eventually i can begin to follow the second set of plans so that my younger self will be pleased with how things worked out.

thanks mary for inspiring me to think about these things today!


  1. I love what you shared about having two totally conflicting dreams. I've been there. And, it is hard to find direction, isn't it? Every incredible plan I make, God seems to have a different one! :) Praying you find the direction you're looking for, Jen.

  2. Conflicting dreams are HARD! I've had those. I love the way you've tried so many different things - seeking God's will every way you can. I know in my life, every time I think I've figured it changes. In my heart I know the target isn't actually moving. It's more about following Him than finding a career path. But it's hard to remember that, too. Thank you for sharing with us!

    1. Thanks Mary! I think I'm getting used to the fact that I'll never have it all figured out :)