working towards less

i have a lot of stuff.  (don’t we all?) and so do my kids.  it drives me crazy.  yet for the longest time I really haven't done anything about it but complain. 

from 2008 to 2011 i was in grad school.  i was also working full time.  and my kids were itty bitty.  it was a time of acquiring much and getting rid of little.  the entire time i was in school i kept thinking that as soon as i graduated, i would do a major decluttering of our household.  well, i finished school in april of 2011 and that still hasn’t happened.

maybe the timing just wasn’t right.  but now, the girls are older.  i feel less rushed even though we are often technically busier.  so I think it’s time.

source

this is a difficult process.  not just the getting rid of part.  but the saying no to other things so that i have time to go through our stuff. i’ve been saying no to a lot lately.  but for now i think this needs to be my priority.  (besides my family.) so i’m not going to be that mom with the most volunteer pta hours.  i’m not going to lead any girl scout troops this year.  i’m not going to sign up for every dance team booster club fundraiser.  and that’s ok.  my hubby says so.  (actually all he says is that i’m not allowed to volunteer for anything this year because he knows how stressed i get.  and that the house turns into a disaster because of the stress.) 
the result of all of this saying no is time.  i’m finding wide open spaces of time (also thanks to staying off of facebook) that i am using to enjoy my family.  and when they’re busy?  I declutter!

i’ve noticed that i easily get overwhelmed when there’s a lot of stuff around me.  i’m starting to notice that my girls seem to be the same way.  i expect that using this year to declutter will bring a feeling of calm to our household.  and it will make my hubby really happy.  i hope that our home loses hundreds of pounds of stuff by the end of the school year.  and gains much in terms of expected and unexpected benefits!

three days and counting

last week it seemed that everywhere I looked online, people were talking about why facebook is bad for us.  it’s like everyone was reading my mind because i’ve been struggling with this for a while.  so I read quite a few blogs and articles, including these:

 6 reasons social media is dangerous for me - from momastery

inspiration diet - from life with greyson + parker

just checking - from love saves lives 

and decided to spend a few days away from facebook.  my intent was only to spend three days away.  just enough to clear my head and focus on more important things over the weekend.  but the longer i was away from it, the more i realized I don’t need it.  i’m not even sure that i want it anymore.

 

 

now I know many (most?) people can handle facebook just fine.  but i’m not one of those people.  i get lonely.  jealous.  insecure.  competitive. judgemental. and more when i spend too much time on facebook.  it’s a distraction and major time suck for me.  i took facebook off of my phone a few weeks ago and that’s one of the best decisions i’ve ever made.  logging off completely would be an even better decision, although i’m not sure i can take that big of a leap right now. 

before stepping away, i set up facebook to notify me of friend requests, tagged photos of me, private messages and any activity in the private groups i belong to.  this way i can take care of any business that applies to me, hopefully without facing the temptation of browsing facebook for hours seeing all that is going on with all of my “friends”.  i’m hoping this arrangement works out for me.  this weekend i realized these things:

•  i am ten million times more productive without facebook.  i actually had wide open blocks of time this weekend with nothing to do.  my kids were playing quietly.  i was caught up on my planned chores.  i finished a reading novel.  and there were still a few hours before bedtime.  how could this be?  normally i feel like i am just. so. busy. but now I think that was a lie.  i have a feeling i was just spending way too much time online.

• my mind is more relaxed when it’s not filled with “junk”.  status updates are often like clutter.  or i guess it’s like reading a people or us magazine.  it’s not information that is relevant to my life so why do i spend so much time sucking it in?  by not scrolling through status updates multiple times throughout the day, i had more room in my brain to focus on the important things.  i was even able to practice yoga yesterday evening and calmly rest in savasana for five minutes.  (that’s normally impossible for me.)

• one of the reasons I have been considering leaving facebook is because i’ve realized i can be really critical and judgmental (just being totally honest here).  i hate this about myself and know it has got to stop. but facebook can be a breeding ground for criticizing and judging others. if I’m not reading status updates 24/7, the opportunity to constantly judge and criticize other people’s actions isn’t there.   

so I’m still a little worried that I’m missing out.  and I’m still craving the distraction facebook provides when i don’t want to deal with real life (something else i need to work on…!).  but overall, i think being apart from facebook may be life changing for me.  sure that sounds dramatic, but i’m pretty sure it’s true.  i’ll have to provide an update in a month or two to see how things are going.  i really think i’m going to try to stay as far away from facebook as possible going forward.  at least until my kids are old enough to join, although i’m hoping by then facebook will no longer exist!

offline

 i did my best yesterday to stay offline all day.  no facebook, no instagram, no twitter, i even stayed off candy crush (gasp!).  i’m embarrassed to admit it was tough.  but i need to stay offline more often. 

back in february, i swore off social media.  i managed to avoid it completely for about 4 weeks.  those were four great weeks.  i was more productive.  less stressed.  but as much as i appreciated that time offline, i felt i was a little too isolated.  so in march, i rejoined the social media world.  it wasn't too difficult to go back to my old habits.  and although i didn’t want to admit it, I could see how easily i was becoming attached to my iphone and macbook.  but i didn’t want to let go.  this really has affected me negatively.  so, rather than take an all or nothing approach, i’ve decided to start slowly and declare sundays and wednesdays as “internet-free days”.  no blog reading.  no facebook.  no candy crush.  no searching for answers to the world’s problems on google.  nothing.  for two days a week.  maybe i’ll move this up to three or four days at some point.  but I think this is a good starting point. 

i often wonder why I am stressed.  why I feel so behind.  why I’m feeling drained.  i bet at least some of the reason is the amount of time i spend in front of a screen.  i work all day in front of a computer.  i am drained by 4:00.  yet i come home and get online again.  that makes no sense.  yet i do it day after day.  well, it’s time to fight my internet addiction.  i have a feeling it’s going to result in a lot of positive changes!

white space

last night big sis was supposed to have a dance event, but it was cancelled due to incoming storms.  we ended up with a big white space on our calendar and boy was it heavenly!  i love white spaces.  i think the main reason i invested a million dollars into a pottery barn white board calendar was so i could see the giant white spaces on the calendar each week.

of course, as the girls get older, i fear the white spaces will get fewer, but i will try my hardest to prevent that.  white spaces bring me joy.  they bring relief, laughter, relaxation and happiness.  last night's white space resulted in lingering over dinner having a great conversation about i forget what.  and then, me and the girls cuddled up on a corner of the couch watching so you think you can dance.  as a mom of two dancing princesses, this was heaven!

as we went to bed last night, i could tell the white space was used wisely and i cannot wait for the next day in our week that involves no plans!